How to Choose an Egg Donor

Do's and Don'ts of Donor Selection:

Choosing a donor is one of the most challenging decisions you will ever make. My best advice--developed over ten years of experience--is to look for someone who you like on a personal level, rather than someone who looks just like either intended parent. Look for someone to whom you feel drawn, someone who feels "familiar". These feelings should be reinforced by what the potential donor has to say about themselves in their essay responses.

You will want to find a donor who is healthy, bright, and looks like she could fit into your family while resisting the urge to look for a replacement for yourself. We are each as different as snowflakes and will never find an exact physical match. While that may be your goal when you begin your search, it can be a frustrating and futile exercise. Look at each donor as an individual and appreciate the unique characteristics she may contribute as well as the things you have in common.

How to Choose a Donor and a Donor Program

Give yourself time to grieve your loss of a genetic connection to your child
Give yourself time to move forward and appreciate the options available through the miracle of medical progress
Take the time to realize that you and your partner are creating a child who is unique to your family and would not be created if not for your love for each other
Remember that God blesses you with the child that was destined to be your part of your family
Remember that blending the genetics of any two people will bring a wonderfully unpredictable outcome in a child, a child you will cherish regardless of their hair color or their ability to play pro sports
Read what the donor has to say about herself and choose someone who you can relate to
Choose a donor who you would be happy to call your friend or daughter
Choose someone who seems like a fit with your family
Choose a donor between the ages of 21 and 30: donors younger than 21 may not be emotionally mature; donors older than 30 are not at peak fertility
Follow your Reproductive Endocrinologist's advice regarding age

Don't

Try to replace yourself; you can't. You are unique, just as every donor is unique
Fixate on any one or two "must have" characteristics such as blue eyes or a 4.2 GPA. This may cause you to miss your "ideal donor"
Set arbitrary time lines or ages by which you must become pregnant. It will only create stress for you and everyone around you.

Choosing a Donor Program

Choosing a program is donor driven. In other words, most couples choose the program guided by the availability of a donor that suits their needs. Nonetheless, there are some Do's and 'Don'ts to consider before you become emotionally invested and allow your desire for the "ideal donor" to outweigh your financial abilities.

Choose a program that takes the time to find out what your individual needs are
Make sure you are comfortable calling them and don't feel rushed Remember that no matter how beautiful, intelligent, or talented a donor may be, there is no guarantee your child will have those traits
Avoid programs that charge up-front fees before they will allow you to view their donors

Don't

Fall into the erroneous belief that if you pay a premium price, you will get a premium donor
Believe that paying a higher fee for an "ideal donor" will produce any better quality ovum or improve your chances of parenthood

However your child comes to join your family, you will love your child no matter what; they are the child you were destined to have.

What is Donor Concierge?

Donor Concierge is an egg donor search program with access to thousands of egg donors through more than 40 donor programs across the country. We work on the Intended Parents' behalf to help you find an ovum donor who meets your needs.

Donor Concierge acts as your guide through the labyrinth of donor programs available. Working for you, we provide a custom search of highly-regarded donor programs from across the country to identify a selection of potential donors who meet your criteria. We save you time and frustration by putting our experience and knowledge to work to navigate the maze of donor programs more efficiently than you could on your own. Dealing with fertility issues can be emotionally draining enough without the additional strain of navigating site after site, each with a different search program and password.

Gail Sexton Anderson, the Founder of Donor Concierge, has a Masters in Counseling Psychology from Harvard Graduate School of Education. Since 1998, she has helped build three exceptional donor programs in Southern and Northern California. Her experience counseling couples and building donor programs has given her insight into what makes a good donor program and how to choose the right donor.

Gail's advice:
Don't become overly fixated on any one characteristic that you want in an ovum donor. Each person is unique; look for qualities in the donor that appeal to you but don't try to reproduce yourself. Even when parents deal with their own genetics, they never know what surprises they might see in their children. No matter how a child is brought to this world, we love them for both their similarities to ourselves and their differences.