How to Choose a Surrogate?

The biggest difference between choosing an egg donor and choosing a surrogate is, choosing an egg donor is donor driven, while choosing a surrogate is likely to be agency driven. Many intended parents may put up with an egg donor agency that they don’t love because the agency has the egg donor they want. The egg donor cycle is relatively short in comparison to the surrogacy cycle.

The surrogacy cycle is a longer and more complex relationship. What you want is a good woman with a healthy uterus who has had children of her own and will be reliable. You also need an agency that is going to be responsive to your needs and take care of all of the details right up through the birth of your child.

A few of the issues surrogacy agencies should:

When choosing a surrogate you want to make sure they have had children of their own who are living at home with them. Never consider a surrogate who has not had a child herself. If a woman has had a child but had to give it up for adoption and has no other children living at home with her she is more likely to be conflicted. You want her to be able to give birth to your child and go home and snuggle with her own child realizing the amazing blessing she has just bestowed on you while cherishing her own blessings.

A surrogate can be anywhere between the ages of 21- 42. Younger isn’t necessarily better. You want to make sure the surrogate is grounded and responsible, if the surrogate is 40 or over it is best if her youngest child is under the age of four and preferably closer to two.

The ideal surrogate should have a healthy Body Mass Index (BMI). I prefer a BMI of 30 or less though she could be a BMI of 32 if everything else is good. Avoid surrogates who have had gestational diabetes, premature deliveries, any serious heath issues and more than three c-sections. You also want to make sure she is a non-smoker and has no history of drug or alcohol abuse.

You also want assurance that your surrogate has a supportive community around her. If she is married her husband must be supportive or you have a recipe for disaster. Ideally the surrogate should also have family or good friends near by who are supportive and nurturing to make the process less stressful. All of these issues should be addressed with the psychological evaluation of the surrogate and her spouse.

The psychological evaluation should be conducted by a licensed mental health professional. There should be an in-depth interview of the surrogate and her husband to make sure they are in agreement and understand the impact surrogacy may have on them as a couple as well as on their family. The surrogate should also take the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory-2 (MMPI) to gage her stability to handle a surrogacy arrangement.

Your surrogate should be financially stable. She cannot be on public assistance and be a surrogate. She and her husband should not have any criminal or bankruptcy history. You want someone who is not feeling pressured to be a surrogate. Surrogates should never ask you for additional money. All financial issues should be addressed when the contract is signed. If anything additional arises, as it may, it should be handled by the agency directly with you. Most surrogates love being mothers, have easy pregnancies and want to help someone else experience the joy of parenthood.

The best surrogacy relationships are open and supportive. It is never a good idea to have an anonymous surrogacy arrangement. You should probably plan on talking your surrogate on a weekly basic as well as accompany her, whenever possible, to her doctor’s appointments.