The biggest difference between choosing an egg donor and choosing a surrogate is that choosing an egg donor is donor driven, while choosing a surrogate is likely to be agency driven. Intended parents may put up with an egg donor agency they don’t love, because the agency has the egg donor they want. The egg donor cycle is relatively short compared to the surrogacy cycle.

The surrogacy cycle is a longer and more complex relationship. You want a woman with a healthy uterus who has had children of her own and will be reliable. You need an agency that is going to be responsive to your needs and take care of all of the details right up through the birth of your child.

Surrogacy agencies should:

• Help you with insurance arrangements for your surrogate.

• Be a liaison between you and your surrogate.

• Be supportive of both you and your surrogate.

• Keep you informed regarding cycle progress.

• Recommend attorneys and trust fund managers.

• Respond to your queries within 24 hours. Even if they don’t have the answer yet, you need to know you’ve been heard and they are working on it.

Choosing a Surrogate-

You want to make sure your surrogate has had children of her own who are living at home with her. Never consider a surrogate who has not had a child herself. If a woman had a child but had to give it up for adoption and has no other children living at home with her, she is more likely to be conflicted. You want her to be able to give birth to your child and go home and snuggle with her own child, realizing the amazing blessing she has just bestowed on you while cherishing her own blessings.

A surrogate can be anywhere between the ages of 23 and 42. Younger isn’t necessarily better. You want to make sure the surrogate is grounded and responsible. If the surrogate is 40 or over, it is best if her youngest child is under age four, preferably closer to two.

The ideal surrogate should have a healthy Body Mass Index (BMI). We prefer a BMI of 30 or less, though the surrogate could have a BMI of 32 if everything else is good. Avoid surrogates who have had gestational diabetes, premature deliveries, serious health issues, or more than three C-sections. You also want to make sure she does not smoke and has no history of drug or alcohol abuse.

You want assurance that your surrogate has a supportive community around her. If she is married, her husband must be supportive, or you have a recipe for disaster. Ideally the surrogate should also have family or good friends nearby who are supportive and nurturing, to make the process less stressful. All of these issues should be addressed during the psychological evaluation of the surrogate and her partner.

A licensed mental health professional should conduct the psychological evaluation. It should include an in-depth interview of the surrogate and her partner to ensure they are in agreement and understand the impact surrogacy may have on them as a couple and as a family. The surrogate should also take the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory-2 (MMPI-2) to gage her ability to handle a surrogacy arrangement.

Your surrogate should be financially stable. She cannot be on public assistance and be a surrogate. She and her partner should not have any criminal or bankruptcy history. You want someone who is not feeling pressured to be a surrogate. Surrogates should never ask you for additional money. All financial issues should be addressed when the contract is signed. If anything additional arises, as it may, the agency should handle it directly with you. Most surrogates love being mothers, have easy pregnancies, and want to help someone else experience the joy of parenthood.

The best surrogacy relationships are open and supportive. It is never a good idea to have an anonymous surrogacy arrangement. You should probably plan on talking to your surrogate on a weekly basis and accompanying her, whenever possible, to her doctor’s appointments.