What do Intended Parents Really Want in an Egg Donor?
What intended parents really want as they start looking for an egg donor can change significantly as they become more and more comfortable with making the decision to do a donor cycle. I'm finding that couples are coming to terms with an egg donor cycle much more quickly than they did say, ten years ago. Though the adjustment process is the same there seems to be a shorter period of mourning the loss of having a child that is biologically related to both parents and more excitement about being parents by what ever means helps them feel the most connected.
Initially, I still have many couples who want to find an egg donor that looks just like them, with the same statistical level of intelligence, i.e. SAT/ACT score, personal interest and sometimes even blood type. As their counselor I understand the desire to replace oneself with someone who is just like themselves. Though anyone who has children who are biologically related to themselves and their partner will tell you their are always characteristics both good and bad that they have no idea where these characteristics came from.
What I have learned over the last thirteen years is that intended parents are usually happiest when they find a donor who they can like for who they are as an individual. I recommend that they look for someone who can fit into their family (similar but not identical look/heritage)and someone who they can relate too and like for their own unique characteristics.