Surrogacy is about a mutual match - the surrogate chooses the intended parents as much as the IP's choose the surrogate. One of the first things we do with our surrogate search clients is to help them write a Dear Surrogate letter.
The purpose of the 'Dear Surrogate' letter is to provide prospective surrogate candidates with information about the Intended Parent (s) who are interested in possibly matching with them. Just as Intended Parents want to review profiles of surrogates to learn about them (who they are, their health and pregnancy history, how many children they have, why they want to be a surrogate, etc.); surrogates want the opportunity to learn as much as they can about the Intended Parents who are looking to match with them.
There are four main parts to a Dear Surrogate letter:
1. Introducing Yourself
When introducing yourselves (or yourself if you are single), take this opportunity to share how you met if you’re a couple, what you currently do (work or stay-at-home parent), any hobbies you have – anything that provides a sense of who you are. If you’re single, the same applies except the piece about how you met.
2. Sharing Your Story
The next step is to share your story, to share what has led to your need or desire to use a surrogate. It’s important to be very authentic and speak from your heart. If you’ve had fertility struggles, share them. If other events have led to your seeking a surrogate, share those. The more you share, the better because personal stories tug at the heart strings of surrogates who are women with hearts to help other people complete their families.
3. Expressing Gratitude
The last part of the letter needs to focus on expressing your immense gratitude to your prospective surrogate for helping you realize your dreams of having this child and completing your family. Things to consider including are thanking your prospective surrogate for her willingness to carry your child, for the sacrifice she is making, for her generosity (anything that will help convince your prospective surrogate that you realize what a critical role she is taking on for you and how very thankful and appreciative you are).
4. Sharing Photos
Lastly, it’s important to include a few candid pictures of yourself/yourselves. These pictures can be anything; the more casual and candid, the better, so the surrogate can get a sense of who you are through personal photos. Pictures that show personality are great.
Now, please relax, breathe and speak from your heart, this always works best and always results in a heart-warming, fantastic letter.
Emily Hopkins is our Senior Case Manager specializing in helping our intended parents find surrogates.