Egg Donation - Pulling the Trigger

Donor Concierge exists to help intended parents to feel they have done their due diligence, by presenting all of the best candidates who could possibly become the egg donor for your future child. A big part of what we do is to act as a coach to help you when you are making the tough decisions. We present you with profiles of donors that suit you and encourage you to make a shortlist, eventually choosing one that you feel ready to move forward with to create your family. This is one of the most important decisions you will make and for many people, actually making that choice can produce intense anxiety.

We dream of who our future children will be.  Those dreams rarely include an egg donor. I’ve written many blogs about what to look for when picking an egg donor but that’s not the focus of this blog. This blog is about the natural fear that often arises at the point of pulling the trigger and moving forward with an egg donor.  "I'm so afraid of making the wrong choice" is one of the statements that our case managers hear regularly.   At this point, people are often struck suddenly by the reality of their journey, when they come to crunch and have to choose between two or three donors that are available, healthy and willing to donate.

I have seen this anxiety arise in the hearts of many a future parent at various points in the decision making process. They long for a child but at the penultimate moment they may be frozen into inaction or uncertainty. It may take them back to mourning the genetic child of their dreams. This panic may strike when it is time to contact the agency to express interest in their favorite donor. It may be when it’s time to sign the contract with the agency. It may be when it’s time to start the meds to be ready for the embryo transfer. It can come at almost anytime.

If you should have a moment like this, just remember it is completely natural. Change is always hard and it can seem that much harder when you are creating your family in a non-traditional way. But take heart - there are thousands of children being brought into new families every year in just the same way that you are creating yours. There is no such thing as a perfect donor. Your child will not BE this donor, but she will provide just a little piece of her genetics. Just as you are not your parents but a very new and separate individual, so will the child you create be a new and unique person unto themselves.

Your fear and anxiety will pass and you will love and cherish this child - YOUR child, who would not exist if not for your love and desire to be his or her parent.

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Gail Sexton Anderson is the founder of Donor Concierge.

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