Emotional Aspects of Egg Donation
Choosing egg donation as a means to build a family is a big step. Most often it comes after it becomes clear that your eggs are no longer viable; and with this comes grief associated with the loss of the possibility of you passing your genes on to your child.
However, unlike adoption, donor egg offers you a chance to be pregnant, carry your child in your womb, and give birth to your child. Also, if using your husband's sperm, your child will be genetically related to your husband which is usually considered a plus. While this may seem inequitable to some, many women are satisfied with their gestational contribution which creates a strong bond.
It usually takes time for intended parents to come to terms with the idea of proceeding with donor egg, but most often, in time, there is acceptance as the desire for a child takes over.
Nonetheless, there are many issues and experiences that can emerge before, during, and after the egg donation process.
It is very important to think about whether or not you plan to disclose the fact that you are using (or used) donated eggs to anyone (your child, family and friends). No matter what you decide, it is critical that you and your husband be aligned with this decision.
If you decide not to tell anyone, then it is very important that you tell no one at all. No matter how much you might trust someone, you cannot be sure that it will be kept confidential, and once the word is out, there is nothing you can do. Know that it can be very emotionally damaging for your child to hear this from someone other than you.
Most often intended parents choose to go the route of anonymous egg donation. Usually a known donor is not available, and many want to avoid the possibility of an egg donor having a future relationship with their child and family. Working with a known donor is a fine option, you just need to be aware of the pros and cons.
Before embarking on, and during, your journey of using donated eggs you may find it helpful to join a donor egg support group. RESOLVE can refer you to support groups in your area.