We Can’t Magic The Perfect Egg Donor Into Existence
If we could magic egg donors into existence according to our clients’ ideals, we would. But in an age where we have access to more egg donors than anyone in the world, I can tell you that even then it would never be enough. Even the most amazing donor can fall short of an Intended Parent’s expectations. The egg donor will never be able to fill all the intended parents longings and expectations.
There is no perfect egg donor and the perfect egg donor is different for every individual. It is human nature to set expectations, reality of which often leads to disappointment. No real person can ever live up to another’s expectation of what and who she should be.
What Donor Concierge aims to do is to help you to feel that you have done your due diligence. We search over 70 of the best egg donor agencies for possible candidates who are as close as can be to your desired criteria and are listed as available on the agencies website. The next step is to narrow your choices down to your top 3-5 candidates and verify which of these choices are still available. A donor’s status can change quickly. Our advice, don’t hold on to should’ve, could’ve, would haves that can sometimes color our decision making processes. If your first choice is not available, move on to your second choice with the attitude that the first choice wasn’t meant to be. The only perfect donor is the donor that who allows you to become pregnant.
If you don’t find any donors that you like after a search is completed (which is rare), it may indicate that you are simply not emotionally ready to choose a donor and you may need to give yourself more healing time. Ask yourself- are your expectations unrealistic with regards to what can be found when searching for an egg donor sabotaging your end goal, pregnancy? If you are looking to “match” yourself to any other human being you will be disappointed.
Keeping your expectations within concrete and reasonable parameters can help you make your search more manageable and satisfactory. That is why I say find someone who looks like they could fit into your family, is reasonably healthy, with no red flags for serious hereditary health issues, is reasonably intelligent, and who you like for who she is not because she is just like you or your partner.
If you don’t find anyone that you like with one completed search, your best bet is to wait 2-3 months and search again. Having worked in third party fertility for almost 20 years, I can tell you that donor databases don’t change dramatically within a short period of time. Appealing donors get chosen quickly but new donors that meet any particular criteria trickle in very slowly. By giving yourself a little wait time, you may be more ready to view profiles and some new donors may have become available to cycle.
If an egg donor is the right height, eye color, hair color, and has a good health history, you are off to a good start! But even then, it doesn’t mean the resulting child will have the same eye color, hair color, or potential for height. He or she will be a very unique individual much like we all are. And, just as we are not clones of our parents or our siblings, nor will your child be a clone of you or your donor. Genetics is an equation that no one can predict.
Egg donation is not for everyone. There is not a never ending supply of candidates and at any give point in time only a relatively small percentage of candidates will come close to meeting your expectations. At a certain level you have to reconsider your expectations to realize that the donor is only a fraction of the equation. You, as the child’s parent, will have a much larger impact on who the child becomes. In the end, when it’s all said and done, the magic occurs when your child is created regardless of how that occurs. The qualities that make up your child, regardless of their genetic origin are unique to your child. They are their own unique self, and that’s the magic!!