What Men Should Know About Choosing an Egg Donor
Donor Concierge works with a variety of men - married and single, gay and straight. In our experience, men have a different perspective on finding an egg donor than women do. We’ve found that women searching for an egg donor tend to look for someone like themselves. Men, on the other hand, seem to be searching for the ‘ideal woman’ to be their egg donor. They often seek ‘perfection’, without understanding that although all egg donors are women, not all women are egg donors.
Some common requests that we get from men who are looking for an egg donor:
- Model beautiful
- Ivy League education
- 90th percentile on SAT or ACT
- 5’7” or taller
- Plays a Division I sport
While we can find very bright, university-educated women who are tall, healthy and attractive, someone who meets all of the above criteria is a rarity.
Most women have absolutely no interest in being an egg donor, regardless of the compensation. Those who do choose to be egg donors have done enough soul searching to feel comfortable with their decision. Most egg donors are motivated both by altruism and the financial rewards.
Many women would never entertain the idea of donating their eggs because they would see it as giving away their children. The time commitment and discomfort associated with the egg donation process can also be a deterrent for many young women. An egg donor must give herself subcutaneous hormone injections to prepare her body for donation. She will retain a lot of excess abdominal fluid during this process that may cause bloating, cramping and general discomfort. The donor also needs to limit her physical activity so that she doesn’t damage to her ovaries while they have swollen. There are risks involved in any surgical procedure and some women are not prepared to take this risk to become egg donors.
Finally, social acceptability may affect a woman’s willingness to be an egg donor. While she may see it as a financially rewarding altruistic act, not everyone in the donor’s family and social circles will see it in that light. This is particularly true among more traditional Asian, Jewish, East Indian and Middle Eastern families and is a deterrent that keeps many women from wanting to be an egg donor.
It can also be socially unacceptable at Ivy League or other top schools. Many of these highly accomplished young women are simply too busy with school and don’t have the time or the monetary motivation to be egg donors.
While there are many wonderful, healthy, bright, caring and lovely women who are willing to be egg donors, it is a process of self-selection.
For men, choosing an egg donor means understanding that we will always be limited to those women that choose to do this, and to focus on finding someone who is healthy, available and willing to donate who offers the best chance of a successful pregnancy.