Elle's Story: Surrogate pregnancy and family building after 40
I had my first son just before I turned 40, so already I knew that I was further along in my age. We knew we wanted to have another child – first we were just trying on our own, because with my first son I had no problems whatsoever, but we sort of jumped into IVF pretty quickly. Sadly I miscarried the four transfers that we had.
I ended up talking to four or five different mothers who had used surrogates. I had gone to an infant and pregnancy loss support group, and I met a local mom who was already further along in the surrogacy process. She’s the one who actually told me about Donor Concierge, which was a service I wasn't familiar with at that time. I had spoken to a number of agencies ahead of Donor Concierge, so I was aware of the timelines and expectations. I just didn't want to wait around – I was thinking, “Okay, great, let's speed up this process and cast a wider net.”
Donor Concierge matched us with a fantastic surrogate and agency very quickly. Once we matched with our surrogate and went through the transfer, we felt cautiously optimistic. I think we used that phrase, “cautiously optimistic,” for the whole nine months. I had a lot of personal trauma around ultrasounds and doctors visits. It was a relief when we first got the news that there was a heartbeat, and that was really exciting... but I had had that experience before and then later miscarried. There were different hurdles during this part of the process, and as we got further along in the pregnancy, I got a little bit more comfortable. It really wasn't until I was holding my son that I felt relief and knew that everything was okay, because I just had that constant worry.
Our surrogate was amazing. She was wonderful. She was totally calm and very confident, which put us at ease. The birth process was another obstacle due to COVID, but when I look back I wouldn’t want it any other way. We flew out early and were there for two weeks while she was pregnant, and we saw her every day. We had meals together, and the kids played together, and we became really connected, so it turned into this beautiful thing. It makes me cry to think about, because our relationship with her was the silver lining.
On paper, the surrogacy process is simple. You get matched with someone, you get them medically cleared, you go through the contract phase, you have a transfer, and then she's pregnant. But you have to be prepared for unexpected hurdles along the way. I feel like we hit almost every single one at first, with medical hurdles and COVID. I would advise parents to prepare for those bumps in the road and to know that this will be a complex journey. It felt like we hit every possible hurdle on this path, so it was a challenging time in our lives. But after that journey came our beautiful happy ending.
Thank you Elle for sharing your experiences with Donor Concierge and your journey to family building and surrogate pregnancy after 40 with us. We are so happy to have helped you grow your family! Interested in building your family with Donor Concierge? Schedule your free consultation today.