How Do I Choose an Egg Donor For My Second Child?
We are always excited to have one of our clients return to us when it’s time to expand their family after a successful first egg donation cycle. Thomas and Jennifer came to us several years after having their first child via egg donation. They didn’t have viable embryos from their first cycle, and the egg donor they used was no longer available. They were looking to expand their family and needed another donor egg.
So, how does this couple choose a new donor? They already have a child that they adore from a donor, and in their eyes, she’s perfect. When you had a winning formula, how do you start over? The answer is, by letting go. In the same way that intended parents have to let go of their own genetics when choosing a donor in the first place, they must let go of the genetics of the first donor they used.
Letting go is far easier in theory than in reality. The shift from choosing a donor that is similar in look to the IP mother, becomes one of finding someone who looks like their first donor. I’ve found that couples doing egg donation for a second child, have a harder time making the decision on donor number two. As trite as it may sound, every person is unique. Intellectually, we know the first donor’s doppelganger doesn’t exist. Still, in our heart of hearts, we may still hope that we can find her. In my experience, it is a fruitless quest.
Instead, think about the physical traits that an egg donor has that might help her to blend into your family. As you review donor profiles, think about who you like, not because they are like your first donor but for the characteristics that make that donor unique in her way. Even siblings who come from the same parents have their own unique looks and personalities.
As you are different from your siblings in many ways and the same in other ways, your second child with a new donor will have similarities to their sibling while retaining their unique individuality. This child will be different from you and your current child, but this child will also share many traits and characteristics through a combination of genetic and non-genetic factors.