Gestational Surrogacy: A Selfishly Selfless Act
In our Real Stories series, we talked to Caren, a doula and former gestational surrogate on why she chose to help create a family.
To be a surrogate, many people say, you are selfless in giving such a gift - being pregnant, going through daily hormone injections, blood draws and possibly multiple embryo transfers to achieve a pregnancy. I’ll let you in on a secret – being a surrogate is actually somewhat selfish! For a surrogate, it is amazing being pregnant. We feel good, healthy, and glowing during pregnancy. Who wouldn’t want to be pregnant and not have to raise the baby? This is what many a surrogate feels! I know I do. I also know that my husband loves when I am pregnant.
We also love the opportunity to have some fun with it in conversation with strangers or friends. “Oh, do you know what you are having?” “My husband responds, “Yes, it’s a boy, but he’s not mine!” The stunned look on the person’s face is priceless, and then I chime in a couple minutes later, “He’s not mine either!” There are bound to be questions, comments and suggestions from outsiders, but we surrogates know how to handle it.
Sure, there are also some aches and pains that come with pregnancy, but overall it is an amazing feeling to know your body is able to grow another living creature inside even one that is placed there from a doctor. Besides, this pregnancy is but a glimpse of time in our life, but definitely one that will stay with us all through our lifetime and our children’s lifetime. Mommy had a baby for someone else.” How many kids can say such a thing and embrace it for the gift that it is?
I cannot wait for the moment I get a positive pregnancy test result for the couple that I am currently matched with and bask in the true joy of pregnancy! During my surrogacy journey, I’ll live my life as a loving mother to my own kids, as a devoted wife to a truly supportive husband and in the end, to be able to deliver a baby into the arms of a deserving and loving couple on this baby’s birthday. It is the best and most rewarding feeling one can have. I’m proud to say I have and excited to be able to experience it all again!
Caren is a registered doula and surrogate advocate. A mother of two, Caren has been a surrogate mother twice and hopes to help educate others and help them better understand the path of surrogacy and the amazing reward at the end.