Surrogacy Journey: Kristen Wiig's infertility story
*Kristen Wiig recently opened up about her difficult fertility journey in an exclusive interview and shared the years of struggles she faced before welcoming twins in January.
- “As private as I am and as sacred as this all is, what helped me was reading about other women who went through it and talking to those who have gone through IVF and fertility stuff. It can be the most isolating experience. But I’m trying to find that space where I can keep my privacy and also be there for someone else who may be going through it.” - Kristen Wiig
We love seeing celebrities use their platforms to share their surrogacy journey stories and encourage conversations around fertility, especially when there’s a happy ending like Kristen’s.
But we also think she shared a valuable lesson for anyone dealing with infertility - sharing those painful feelings and asking for help or seeking support is so important when you are struggling with infertility, going through an egg donation cycle or a surrogacy journey shouldn’t be isolating.
Here’s what we think Kristen’s story highlights:
You’re Not Alone
Many hopeful parents experiencing infertility struggles feel isolated. Movies and TV shows always show parents getting pregnant in the blink of an eye. And when our friends and loved ones seem to be pregnant themselves, or worse – asking why we don’t have kids yet, it feels like no one else can relate.
Kristen touches on this in her interview, mentioning how she was so exhausted and drained that she “stopped talking about it entirely.” Many of us have gone through this – but an amazing thing happens when we start speaking up. As Kristen says, “when I did talk about it, every time I said that I was going through IVF, I would meet someone who was either going through it, about to go through it, or had a friend who just did it. It’s like this underground community that’s talked about but not talked about.”
That’s right - according to the CDC around 2% of all babies born in the US were conceived using some form of assisted reproduction so that means a LOT of people are struggling with infertility. And especially with third party fertility, we say - we’re here to help and you’re definitely not alone.
Gloria Li, Program Director of Donor Concierge says, “People come to us at a point when they don’t feel comfortable talking to their friends who may not understand what’s going on. How can your best friend know how about egg donor cost or how to find a surrogate mother? That’s where we step in - our case managers are like your best friend during this process.”
It Takes Two – Or Three Or Four
Kristen says that during her surrogacy journey, the negative thoughts lingered: “I would get in my head and ask myself all these questions, like, ‘Why couldn’t I do this?’” The feelings of guilt and blame are all too common, but luckily, Kristen stopped beating herself up. She says, “I finally realized that I just needed help.”
It can be tough to come to terms with the fact that having a child won’t be “easy.” Once you accept that bringing your child into the world takes a whole team, the path may become easier. We also think that trusting that team is key - remember that the team we put together are people we trust - from the best egg donor and surrogacy agencies to your fertility clinic, specialist attorney, genetic counselor or mental health therapist.
Get the Support You Need ...and Deserve
And speaking of mental health therapy, Kristen’s number one takeaway from her journey was simple. “I wish I had talked about it more and asked for more help. There’s such a support system out there!”
It’s true! Infertility takes a toll, mentally and physically, and no one deserves to carry that burden alone. The process can put strain on us, our relationship and our everyday lives, so we strongly recommend seeking support. We know that sometimes friends and family just don’t understand. We’ve put together a resource list of wonderful mental health therapists who specialize in fertility issues - they get it. There are also numerous online and in-person groups available. Here are some things you can do to share your journey with others who understand:
Join the Donor Concierge Support Group on Facebook - it’s totally free!
Check out Family Equality, a wonderful non-profit organization dedicated to LGBTQ family building.
Do you need help finding an egg donor or matching with a surrogate? Contact Donor Concierge today so we can help.