Surrogacy for Gay Men

Surrogacy is a way for gay couples and singles to build their families.

There are three key ingredients that you must have to make a baby via surrogacy:

  • Sperm
  • Egg donor
  • Surrogate

We've helped many gay men - both singles and couples - choose an egg donor and find a surrogate. Choosing an egg donor is your first decision.  There are over 18,000 egg donors in the United States and we can help you narrow down your choices to those that are a good match to you.  Choosing your egg donor is the first step in building your family.

One benefit of a dual-father family is that there is rarely any underlying jealousy between an intended mother and the surrogate.  In fact, the surrogate often has the opportunity to feel even more special since she is the center of attention and doesn’t have to share it with an intended mother.  There are many gestational carriers (surrogates) who prefer working with gay men.You'll also need to choose a reproductive endocrinologist (RE), insurance and legal counsel. Your RE will first run tests on you to make sure the sperm is viable. The RE examines both your surrogate and your egg donor also to make sure they too are good candidates. For more detail go to: donorconcierge.com/blog/how-does-surrogacy-work.

You will also need to choose an OB/GYN physician, who, in most cases, will be the physician that your surrogate used to deliver her own children.  The physician must be board certified and have privileges at a level-two neonatal intensive care unit hospital where your child will be born.  Your surrogate and her husband or partner will also need to be psychologically evaluated to make sure they are stable.  A credit and criminal background check is also done to make sure the surrogate and her spouse are sound in every respect.

You will be responsible for ensuring that the surrogate has insurance - both health and life coverage.  Life insurance is important because having a child is still dangerous and, if something should happen, the surrogate’s family will need to be compensated.  It is rare that a surrogate dies but it is important to plan for the worst.

You will also need to work with an attorney who specializes in fertility law.  Don’t think that because you are an attorney or your friend is an attorney that you can review the legal issues yourself.  Fertility law is unique and changeable field, especially for same-sex couples.  You will also pay for the attorneys who will review the contract with your egg donor and your surrogate.  You will have a separate attorney who will review the contract with you and advise you regarding pre-birth orders or adoption procedures, depending on the state where your child will be born.

Throughout the process, it is important to build a relationship with your surrogate. You should plan to talk to your surrogate once a week by phone and, whenever possible, attend medical appointments with her.  You want to be supportive of her and her family but not overbearing.  You should never discuss money matters with her; that should be handled by your surrogacy agency as it can cause friction between you and your surrogate.

Once the baby is born you may want to keep your surrogate in the loop with little updates on how you are doing.  In my experience, this communication usually tapers off over time to an exchange of holiday cards and an occasional picture. You will know what feels right as your child grows and based on the relationship you have shared with your surrogate throughout the pregnancy.

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