Finding The 'Perfect' Egg Donor
Many of my clients at Donor Concierge have come to us after an exhaustive search for the ‘perfect’ egg donor. “We found the perfect one but she was already in cycle’ is a story I hear a lot. To me, that means she wasn’t the perfect donor. Part of what we do is to help guide you through an overwhelming and often emotional process. Another part is to help you manage your expectations when it comes to finding a donor.
Our aim is to help our clients find a donor who is reasonably intelligent, has a good health history for both herself and her family, is of a similar look to the intended parent and most importantly, is willing and available to go through an egg donation cycle.
Of course there has to be some sort of criteria – there is no point in our case managers trying to match a 5’2” blonde Swedish donor with a 5’10” raven-haired Italian intended parent. Our goal is to find someone who looks like she could be a part of your family – a sister, a cousin – someone with similar body type, features or ethnic background and to help you manage your expectations of which donor is the right donor for you.
I have clients who will only consider donors with extremely high academic test scores. Sure, I CAN find an egg donor with an ACT of 31 or higher, but that doesn’t mean she will be the right donor for them. The team at Donor Concierge works with clients to understand that agency databases do not have a revolving door of extremely attractive, incredibly fertile donors with SAT scores off the charts, studying for Masters degrees at Ivy League universities. Of course these young women exist, but they may not be choosing to donate their eggs. Limiting your criteria so strictly will only rule out donors who could be ‘the one’.
One of the things I’ve learned in my years of working with Donor Concierge is that everyone is just so unique. There is no ‘one size fits all’ when it comes to egg donation. While many intended parents want to find a donor that had the same SAT score as them, the exact same ethnic heritage or attended the same university, every donor comes to the process with her own set of unique qualities. We look at profiles of donors with an eye for the bigger picture and we encourage our clients to be open to many possibilities.
Just as America is a melting pot of cultures and ethnic backgrounds, so too are the opportunities for intended parents to match with healthy young women who have made the decision to help someone from afar, often without ever knowing anything about that family. Donors often haven’t had the same opportunities as many of our clients – they may not attend top universities or colleges, or live a fascinating life in an international city. Many do sign up for the compensation initially, but the majority of donors do realize that they are giving something incredibly precious, and unique – a small part of them that becomes a part of you.
Michelle Laurie, BJ, MSc, SRM
Michelle is a Sr. Case Manager with Donor Concierge.